The Shot!

Seriously…

(more…)

The Washington Post reported this morning:

These lawmakers, including Sens. Tom Coburn (Okla.) and Jim DeMint (S.C.), have irked party leaders at times this year in their effort to block immigration legislation supported by President Bush and by using parliamentary tactics to force difficult votes on special-interest earmarks that they view as pork-barrel spending.

Now according to The Onion, our trouble making Senator Jim DeMint has “irked” so many people that he’s been moved to the front of the Senate. Vice President Dick Cheney says he’s “not mature enough to handle sitting in the back.”

After several incidents of bipartisan name-calling and disruptive filibustering, Senate president Dick Cheney announced Monday that the congressional seating chart has been revised to put problem lawmakers up front. “I was hoping it wouldn’t have to come to this, but Mr. [Sen. Dick] Durbin (D-IL) and Mr. [Sen. Jim] DeMint (R-SC), among others, have shown they’re not mature enough to handle sitting in the back,” said Cheney, who reportedly made Durbin read a secret bill out loud in front of the entire assembly after he was caught passing it to Sen. Diane Feinstein (D-CA). “I’m not going to let a few bad apples ruin lawmaking for the senators who are here to work.” Cheney added that, if the behavior problems persist, the whole Senate will be made to come into the Capitol Building to legislate on weekends.

Sources close to Jeffrey Sewell tells us that if elected as Treasurer tomorrow, Converse Chellis will open every Budget and Control Board meeting with a prayer to Satan.

Another source close to the Devil himself tells us that it won’t be so much “a prayer” as “a quick shout out.”

“Like Mitt Romney, Converse Chellis is pretty tight with the man downstairs,” another source who only talks to bloggers but will never let us print his name because he is scared for his job tells The Shot. “They are true Satan worshipers.”

Developing…

(UPDATE) -Converse Chellis actually is the Devil.

(UPDATE 2) - This just in. Chellis is not the Devil. Chellis is the Super Devil…the greatest threat to salvation.